August 16 -NASCAR Sister's Birthday Is Today

In keeping with a long-held tradition, the celebration of NASCAR Sister's birthday will again feature another installment of her biography, much to the delight of her children and especially, her co-workers!
This is not made up. It's the straight scoop! (Truth is hallmark of this blog!)

NASCAR Is Aging Gracefully


Believe your eyes! Yes, NASCAR Sister has not changed one bit in the past 40 years. Notice how slight the difference is between her 5th grade picture and a current portrait. This is truly a testament to her strict regime of intensive physical training coupled with a healthy diet of Fritos dipped in warm butter and Budweiser. Oh, how I admire her awesome willpower!

NASCAR Sister Is A Leader In Environmental Education!

NASCAR sister's current job involves taking knowledge starved young students for walks in the forest. Look closely at the picture on the left and you will see one of the many wild animals indigenous to her region. She routinely confronts these vicious beasts, debilitates them with her perfume, then drags them back to her office for all to see. On the right we see a bright young student who has recently returned from one of Sister's pilgrimages, expressing her appreciation for an exciting day spent increasing her knowledge of the great outdoors.

Remember Cool Dude?
Well, NASCAR Sister's better half (sexism intentional), also known as Cool Dude has retired after an illustrious career as a PortaPotty Drag Racing Engineer. As you see, has turned his considerable talents to motorcycle design. Clearly, his experience in PortaPotty design is reflected in this masterpiece. Way to go Cool Dude!
NASCAR Sister Finally Buys A House
After searching the country far and wide, she finally found her dream home. It was a fixer-upper, but now, after almost a solid year of hard work, we see the finished estate. Once again, I am so envious of Sister's success in everything she does, I can only respond like this!

So THERE NASCAR Sister!
Out of spite, I'm forced to include a picture of NASCAR Sister's first boy friend. When she sees this picture she is typically overcome with lust and lascivious thoughts. The last time I did this, she begged me to destroy the picture, but I didn't! BWAHAHAHA!

Art Imitates Life

Is this amazing or what? I've always heard that each of us has their double somewhere on the planet. But when one randomly surfs the Internet and sees an exact likeness of a friend, how freaky is that?

Now on to more important things:

Coming Attractions Nearing Completion

1.) Father Time presents The Fly doing his impression of Rodney Dangerfield

2.) Father Time's annual review of the life of NASCAR sister, in time for her birthday on August 16th.

Can you feel the excitement building? If you do, get a grip!

Milepost 68 - Returning To A Normal Life

In the beginning

Here's to living a relatively normal life, if that means anything in our current culture. 2007 has been an "interesting" year for Father Time and family, especially if you use the Chinese translation of the word "interesting." Somewhere between chaotic and a Level 5 hurricane would be apropos. (No disrespect to Katrina victims intended - just a metaphor to lay groundwork for the following:)

Let's take inventory.

Loss of Mother In Law after a 5-month illness;
Recurrence of breast cancer in Mrs. Time;
Prostate operation for yours truly;
Return of son from college with a truckload of furniture;

That's about it. Pretty average compared to the travails some people face daily, monthly, and permanently.

Take Fly for instance.

At this point, Henny Youngman would prompt me to say, "No, you take Fly. I can't take him anymore."

Fly has lived in the desert, commuted cross country to take a job with a mystery company, now lives in the South, and works at a job that is so secret that even he doesn't know what it is or where it's located. Now that's "interesting."

Henny Youngman

Now Fly enters and says, "Who the heck is Henny Youngman?"

That's to be expected from any pseudo-historian whose primary focus is war.

As a public service to those under the age of 25, here are some examples of Henny Youngman:

I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.

My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.

I made a killing in the stock market. I shot my broker.

There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.

My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.

He's an agent now. He must know talent. He gave up acting.

Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.

I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."

He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.

In conclusion

That's all folks!

Next installment - The Fly's impression of Rodney Dangerfield.

Never Say Die

OK. So I've been lax in tending to my blogging duties. Agreed. No argument. I won't even make excuses, because they would be so emotionally charged, and intellectually challenging, that even I won't understand what's going on in my life.

So..........I will carve up the past four weeks into bite-size chunks and offer them one at a time so as not to overwhelm anyone. One of us being overwhelmed is enough!

Cio!

Why Do People Do The Things They Do?

Sometimes, I am completely mystified by the things people do to their pets. Here's a good example.

OK, so maybe this is their way of "expressing creativity." Give me a break!

This is starting to sound like Andy Rooney isn't it? And another thing....

Go to any major university book store. Go to the section where they sell sweatshirts and team spirit items. I will bet you there are at least four or five "uniforms" for your dog or cat....in different sizes yet!

I need to get a grip. I'll be back when I calm down.

Stuff Father Time Wants

Disclaimer

Don't worry. Father Time hasn't gone materialistic on you. This is, once again, one more ill-fated attempt at humor, using The Fly as my foil. In all honesty, I recommend you stop here and pursue something meaningful, like taking inventory of your toilet paper supply, or waxing the dog. You'll find it's time well spent.

The List

Here goes:

A wooden hand plane so I look good when I mutilate things in my workshop. Notice the actual picture instead of cheesy "links" that take you to parts of the Internet rarely seen by humans. Now check out The Fly's list.
I rest my case.



A 5 quart stainless steel saucier so I only have to wash one pan when I cook. Right now I use one to saute, another to make the sauce, and another to combine the ingredients, and finally a dish to serve it in. Four vs one? Makes sense to me.

That's It!

See how easy it is? When you have everything, you don't need much.

Now,compare my list with The Fly's list. It drones on endlessly with stuff from the UK, things that you need when you get into combat (with whom?), CD's by groups that have never had musical training, TV reruns, and books by guys that are dead.

Who knows? Maybe I'll invite The Fly to a debate on materialism. It'll be like shooting fish in a barrel.

Nothing New Under The Sun?

Never Say Never
Back in the early 60's, I had a chance to work on some GM prototypes that had monster rear wings and front air dams, not unlike the ones shown here.

Historical perspective - GM was being pushed by the new generation of "safety-ites", who felt the big boats GM was building were unsafe due to "poor handling" (and that's the polite way to say it!)

So the R&D boys sent us some Electra 225 4-door sedans with wings and air damns, similar to these, except, to be perfectly honest, about half the size. We all had a good chuckle since GM's standard guidance to it's engineers was that any innovation had to be "commercially acceptable."

Without a doubt, our prototypes were sorry examples of anything anyone would buy. But we tested them anyway and sent back data showing improved handling at 80+ mph. At that time our little group conceded that none of us would ever see anything like those monstrosities again.

So "Never" Came To Be

When I saw these pictures I realized that the word "never" comes with time limits! Somebody, somewhere will always prove you wrong if you use "never" in a conversation.

And another one bites the dust!

And You Thought The Last Post Was Ugly!

OK, so I'm not Yul Brynner; even Popeye is better looking.

Mother Time is going through chemo right now so a couple of us decided to join the "no-hair" brigade. Good idea at the time. Bad idea in execution.

Hmmmm, speaking of executions - oh never mind!

Even Uglier News!

Father Time's 50th high school reunion in Michigan occurs on September 8, 2007, which begs the following questions:

Do you think enough hair will grow back that the airlines will let me board without running my fingerprints through an FBI database?

Do you think that the flight attendants will draw straws with the loser having to wait on me?

Will my former classmates call 911 when I show up at the reunion?

Will my relatives in Michigan disown me?

Hey! What would life be like without a few challenges?

The correct answer is "Pretty sweet!"

Father Time's Early Warning System

Why is this man NOT on somebody's wanted list?

This is a picture of The Fly.

Why this picture is not posted on some website that specializes in warning people of animal predators, nudist camp rejects, or offspring of famous hit men, is a complete mystery to me.

After viewing this picture on the blog Thus Saith The Fly, I am compelled to warn all my decent and non-dysfunctional friends (both of you) that this is beyond scary. It's scary at a level that even exceeds the spectre of world-wide terrorism.

What are the consequences of viewing this photograph even though your rationale mind tells you something this hideous cannot be real?

Take heed my friends and do not look at this picture for an excessive amount of time. In shock, I allowed my eyes to view it for more than 30 seconds. I am now completely color blind and have fuzzy vision, even without consuming a couple of glasses of Chardonnay or a pint of Guinness!

That's powerful.

Conclusion (Finally)

The world we know has changed. When one sees something like this and realizes it is looking at the future, one can only conclude that suicide is a viable option afterall!

Tribute To A Great Lady 1924 - 2007

Cleo Loreen Griffith - Wife, Mother, Grandmother, Great-grandmother.

She will best remembered for her love of people, especially her immediate family. Her husband Bill, who died in 1980, was the love of her life. However, when Cleo became a grandmother, her need to love found an outlet in her first grandchild. She became a grandmother three more times and spent as much time as she could with all of them. And, since she lived next door to all four, they always knew where to go for cookies, ice cream, or someone to bandage their little cuts and scrapes.

Cleo was warm, caring, and fun-loving. She loved to dance, listen to music, talk with friends for hours, laugh and plan pot-luck dinners. Her reputation for cooking earned her a reputation as the “Queen of Comfort Food.” She also loved to knit, crochet, and do needlepoint. Everyone who was close to her owns one of her famous Afghans. She had an eye for color, and could always be depended upon to produce bright colorful blankets that are considered heirlooms by her family.

However, Cleo was also infamous for her knitted slippers that she always gave her family at Christmas. Now, if they had been used to keep feet warm, that would be considered normal; but, when we all learned they were fantastic for sliding across large expanses of waxed wooden floors, a whole new sport evolved! Once everyone had their slippers on, the running, racing, and sliding would go on until someone crashed into something or broke something or, as was the norm, the slippers wore out!

Cleo was also her grandchildren’s favorite philanthrophy! Every school raffle, candy or cookie sale, or field trip could depend on Cleo’s generosity. When her grandchildren needed to sell anything, they knew Grandma was a complete softy, and would buy anything they had to sell. An addded plus was that it was cookies or cand, most likely they would get them back in a week or two as a present. In short, Cleo was the grandmother from heaven that every kid hopes for.

When two of her grandchildren moved with their family to Albany in 1986, Cleo followed shortly thereafter, declaring, “No stranger is going to baby-sit MY grandchildren!” Every Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and birthday found Cleo sitting at her daughter's kitchen table, consuming potato chips and clam dip,(and on a rare occasion Bourbon and Seven) and offering advice on how to cook the best turkey gravy the world has ever known.

And finally, Cleo was best known by most of us for her sense of humor. Even in her final days, when she was declining rapidly, she loved to joke and kid with the staff who were her caregivers. Even though she was a mere shadow of her old self, she was still the great lady most of us remembered; a woman who filled so many lives with joy and laughter.

Cleo was one of a kind and will be sorely missed by all of us. Heaven is a better place today, if only for the improvement in its turkey gravy!

Ma' Truck

Cool eh? To haul bark dust, just pile up 10 or 12 bags from Home Depot. No muss, no fuss.

I need one of these NOW!

Contact!

Found The Key, Turned The Ignition, and Started The Engine.

I think my engine is working again after a short period of burn-out. The grieving process takes longer in some of us.

Tomorrow I will go back to semi-regular posting.

Tomorrow I will release some pent-up issues that have been building for the past 30 days.

Expect some goofy cars, verbal assaults on The Fly, and the usual off-the-wall stories of life in the slow lane.

How's that for "pent-up?"

The Plan

I recently received an e-mail asking me if this blog was dead. My usual smart a-- reply was, "Only if you think it is." Personally, I have not ordered an atopsy yet. Nor will I. It's just the grieving process is taking longer than I thought.

My mind is now bubbling, once again, with at least 52 new ideas. Coming soon to a blog near you!

Out.

Time Is Of The Essence

FDA Warning - Don't Read This If You're Young!

An important part of a retiree's life is good use of time management skills. I, like many other retired people,(I'm sure), had the mistaken idea that I would be flooded with available time to meander around doing whatever I pleased. Boy was I ever wrong!

To date, I've completed about 12 items on a list that I prepared in 2003 when I retired. Unfortunately, I've added 66 new items that have a higher priority. If they all fell into one category, like reading, or making more furniture, or catching more trout, I would consider things under control. But such is not the case. Almost every item is distinct, unique, and unlike any of the other items. The good news is almost every "to do" item is something I would enjoy, and hence the joyful part of being retired.

Note to self. Maybe I'll try attaching long-range time frames to my list and see how old I'll be when everything has been completed. My game plan calls for moving on to my next stop - whether it's earth-bound, interplanetary, or ghostly, in about 20 years. That's the last item on the list - and it will never move.

Out.

Father Shall Return

A slowdown in the seemingly endless numbers of family issues is in sight - at least to the degree that I should have time to post some more nonsense from my dysfunctional mind. I don't know about you, but that is good news as far as I'm concerned.

(Re-reading what I just wrote, I couldn't help but notice all of the "casual talk", I.E. as far as I'm concerned and I don't know about you. Delete all of that conversational stuff and you simply have "Good News!")

Out

Patient, Recovering Patient, Caregiver, Chauffer, Cook, Housekeeper, Appointment Maker, & Bill Payer

Notice something missing in the title? Like blogger?

In the words of that famous American military hero and war strategist, The Fly, "I shall return."

This Is Not Supposed To Be A Weekly Blog

My apologies for the lack of posts, but right now my life is a full freaking oyster! An immediate family member in the final days of her visit on earth, an ailing spouse, and my previously noted "minor procedure" at a local hospital; am I a fun guy or what?

So, as is our custom here in the Pacific Northwest, when one wants to make amends, one offers food! (How about that segue?)

Enjoy!

Return

After a couple of days in our local hospital (enjoying what is laughingly referred to as a "minor procedure"), I'm back and feeling great. During my stay I was pleasantly surprised to discover hospitals have finally figured out a few things about customer service.

First, everyone I dealt with was friendly and extremely courteous. Second, everyone wanted to know if I had any questions before they left. It's amazing how much more comfortable one is when one knows what the hell is going on with all the tubes, bags, buzzers, monitors, etc.

My third discovery was one of the best - a meal menu that would make any good restaurant envious! When I was hungry, I picked up the menu with its formidable list, and called room service. Within 10 minutes my meal was delivered by a smiling "waiter" who always checked to make sure it was prepared the way I requested. And finally, the food was GREAT! Unbelievable!

The only downside to the whole experience was a nurse who awakened me at 2:00 AM to find out if I was in pain. (When's the last time you slept soundly when you were in pain?) Some things never change but the good news is - I had to look for something to complain about. And that is really great news!

Where Is Father Time Now?

Have you ever looked at the calendar and said, "What happened to the last two weeks?" I find this happening more and more. In fact, I just noticed the date of my last post - February 7, 2007. So in my situation, what is the answer?

Let's see; first on the list is my Hospice volunteer work. Two patients plus a member of my immediate family equals almost three hours per day. Day hikes around the area to stay in shape for warm weather backpacking season, about two hours/day. Taking care of my kid's dogs while they're in Hawaii, who knows? On average at least an hour/day. Since we have a Sheltie, the addition of a Pug and a long-haired Chihuahua creates the trifecta from hell.

Woodworking? Maybe two hours a week right now, but that time is about to explode exponentially! New wood and furniture repair projects are starting to occupy too much room in the shop, so the cure is simple. Get your butt out there and start making sawdust! Oh ya.

Finally, blogging. Maybe ten minutes/day to read and look for comments. Actually, considering the number of comments I receive, I can add ten minutes to my cramped schedule by skipping that activity completely.

What happened to reading, research, and writing? Zilch. But enough complaining. I don't have time.

Happy trails!

Once Again The Fly Scoops Father Time

Why am I always the last to hear about cool new cars? Yes, The Fly ambushed me again with this picture of his new ride.

I am SO envious!

Annual Picture Of P-38

Father Time's Place was officially one year old in November 2006. This means tradition now becomes an element requiring action on my part. I, therefore, have no choice but to recognize certain "features" (tongue-in-cheek) deserving of annual recognition at this hallowed site.

With that in mind, I'm again posting a picture of my all-time favorite aircraft, the Lockheed P-38 Lightning. If gasoline wasn't so expensive, this would definitely be my commuter vehicle of choice. Incidentally, this is not about bombs or machine guns or weapons of mass destruction. It's about a truly innovative and incredible piece of aeronautical engineering. And it's cool!

Long live tradition. (Yes that's a play on words, but what else do I have to do with my time?)

Coming attractions: a much requested repeat of the "NO TOMATOES" chili recipe and another chapter in the life of NASCAR Sister.

Pacificism Vs Reality - Part 1

Pacifism Vs Respect For Tradition
OK, I confess. I'm a pacifist at heart. Why? Because many years ago I concluded the need to fight was only a primitive survival tactic left over from our cave dwelling days, and was no longer something intelligent people needed to do in order to survive.

I expect someone out there will say, "Father Time are you suggesting that people who say their survival is dependent on their willingness to go to war are not very smart?"

"Kinda sounds that way doesn't it?" the old man saith. But, let me qualify my response by saying the question is an oversimplification of the real issue. Sane people do not sit idly by and let someone beat them down. Sane people will use whatever tactics are necessary, including fighting, to defend themselves from their attackers. And intelligent sane people use force as a last resort. Notice, I said last resort. I did not say the threat of force, but the actual use of force when all other avenues are closed. There's a BIG difference between making a threat and actually unleashing the dogs, and that is where we go awry.

But, you might ask, "What about those who have served and died in wars while protecting our country?" My answer is simple - I have nothing but respect for them. The courage and patriotism they demonstrated deserves the highest honor this nation can bestow upon one of its citizens. If I was Commander-in-Chief, the Medal of Honor would be presented to every veteran (or surviving next-of-kin) who ever served honorably in combat defending our nation.

Having said that, and knowing that I too served, albeit peacetime duty, why would I embrace the concept of pacifism? For one simple reason (and now we have come full circle); war is symbolic of our primitive instincts.

My reading and research indicate I have a degree of support for my theory. Some of the most learned scholars from both ancient and modern times embraced a philosophy of non-violence.

Note: Part Two will discuss some of people who are known for embracing the concept of non-violence. Part Three will survey some folks who believe war is as natural as breathing, and Part Four will conclude with What Is A Just War?, (Thanks Fly). This all depends, of course, in my not losing interest in the whole topic and going off on the evils of backpacking or something even more heinous.

The Yin and Yang of Wheels

Some of you may remember I worked for General Motors in my post-college days. Therefore, the wonderful world of cars will always command a place of honor at Father Time's Place.

Which naturally brings us to the subject of wheels. The trend these days is to feature bigger and bigger rims which supposedly reflect the owner's desire to compensate for his/her shortcomings. Thus, we see cars on the street like this Dodge Magnum, a model whose name alone reflects the owner's comfort with his/her masculinity. Ahem!

Therefore, once again, it's up to Father Time to be a trend setter, as seen in this great photo of a Chevy Impala with - tiny wheels! I ask you, if cars are an extension of one's ego, why not be honest about it!

And yes, there ARE wheels on this car. Just look closely. They are there. The good news? You can carry about 24 spares in the trunk. Believe me, you'll need all of them.

Weapons Of Mass Operator Destruction

Father Time did a turn with the Army in the early 60's. Luckily, we were between Korea and Viet Nam, so my combat duty consisted mainly of getting up at 4:00AM on Monday with a raging headache from Sunday night's training exercises at the Blue Goose in Leesville, Louisiana. I knew serving my country would be tough but this was beyond the call of duty!
At any rate, one of our most "feared" weapons was a 106mm recoilless rifle mounted on the back of an ordinary jeep. Being an engineering student in civilian life, my curiosity was aroused when the term "recoilless" was used to discuss this fearsome, yet brilliant, product of our best military minds. (Remember, mind altering drugs were in vogue back in those days!)

This cool diagram shows the principle of 106mm "rifle." Note that a large portion of the gases produced by the explosive, exits the rear of the gun, offsetting a portion of the recoil that is normally present in any weapon that hurls a huge projectile out of its barrel. So, it has to have some recoil in order to eject the projectile - absorbed by the jeep, but best of all, it would fry anyone standing behind the weapon with hot exhaust. We tried using the exhaust gas to roast wieners, but for some reason, we just ended up with a burnt stick and no hot dog! Life was not looking out for our best interests!

With a straight face, our training sergeants told us that this Jeep/106mm combo was a feared "tank killer." Strategically, we would drive the Jeep into raging combat, aim the 106mm at a tank, fire, and take off before the tank could fire back. Right! Rumor had it that the crew of this unbelievable weapon had a combat life expectancy of about 45 seconds!

At this point Father Time's brilliant mind went to work and came up with this! Since it was a foregone conclusion the crew would die in a matter of minutes, what if we mounted the 106mm on a motor scooter? We could cut the number of casualties in half!

I submitted my idea to the Army Weapons Lab on February 6, 1961, and am still waiting for an answer. Patience is a virtue.

Father Time's Backyard

Yes friends, these guys were hanging out in my backyard this morning! The pathetic photography comes from trying to take a flash picture through a window. Unfortunately, this was my only option since anything else would have scared them off.

My sheltie Joey confided to me that these were the biggest sheep he had ever seen!

Some Thoughts About War & Politics

My endless debate with The Fly over the insanity of war has led me to research the views of contemporary as well as historical minds. My primary focus is the rationale they use to support their views for or against war.

Now granted, the late Libertarian Harry Browne is not usually considered one of the great minds of our time; however what he said resonates with my current feelings: (And after all, isn't that what research really is - trying to find someone who agrees with you?) Browne had strong views on the impact of politicians in leading their nation to declare war on another country.

He said, "Whenever (a nation) goes to war somewhere, the politicians tell their constituents that diplomacy was tried and failed — and that war was the very, very, very last resort.

But the truth is that the politicians didn't try much at all to avoid war. And the diplomacy was bound to fail, because it involved politicians making insensitive demands on another country — demands they had no authority to make, demands that were known in advance to be unacceptable to the other nation.

In the few cases when America has been attacked, it's been because our politicians were trying to dictate to other countries. Typically they were countries that represented no threat to us at all. Those countries who did attack us were either trying to gain an advantage against the stronger U.S. when our government had made war seem inevitable (as at Pearl Harbor), or because attacking seemed the only way to strike back at a country that was throwing its weight around in other people's business (as in 9/11).

I grant you, Harry was a bit extreme, but not far away from the reality of Washington. I still fight the idea we are in Iraq because of oil. But I don't fight the idea that the "official" reasons have never been (nor will they ever be) revealed. Whatever the reasons, real or imagined by a paranoid Father Time, our being there today is just plain wrong - a totally needless waste of American money and troops. Resources we can ill afford to squander and desperately needed by our own people. Resources squandered by an administration that refuses to listen to its own citizens. Resources squandered by an arrogant administration that feels it knows more than the electorate.

Thus endeth the rant! My apologies to those have followed Father Time's Place for the past year, and came here looking for comic relief. I shall return!

Next up, some thoughts from ancient philosophers who felt war was inevitable. It will be tough for me to digest, but in my 67 years, I've digested a lot. Especially the past six years!

Father Time Shops For An Airplane

Despite saying this was the The Year Of Being Serious, I couldn't resist this picture!

I wonder how much lessons cost?

If Life Was A Movie Review

Mine would start with something original like this.

Father Time is The Whirling Dervish.
That would work for openers.

Synopsis:
What is a "Whirling Dervish" anyways? You'll be sorry you asked. Wikipedia, that infallible source of truth says:

The Mevlevi Order or the Mevleviye are a Sufi order founded by the followers of Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi in 1273 in Konya, (in Turkey at present). They are also known as the Whirling Dervishes due to their famous practice of whirling as a form of dhikr (remembrance of Allah). Dervish is a common term for an initiate of the Sufi Path.

OK, So I'm not a Whirling Dervish
But I've really been busy.

To Readers of TSTF

My friend The Fly has promised his blog readers a response from me to his posts about the legitimacy of the war in Iraq.

To those hard-core Fly readers, I will respond as soon as I calm down following Bush's speech on Wednesday. When I'm enraged I have this tendency to spout off on issues that have no basis in fact, such as "war is bad", or "money for Iraq but funding cutbacks for the mentally ill in the US."

In an effort to respond with some degree of coherent thought, I'm finishing a book called On War by the German military philosopher Carl von Clausewitz. It attempts to prove that war is a good thing. I, on the other hand, believe it is nothing more than a continued demonstration of civilization's inability to control the primitive appetites our collective psyches possess.

Rating

This movie is rated "R" for rage. Stay tuned. I am.

Good Intentions Awaiting Execution

The following is a public service announcement.

My recent hiatus from Father Time's Place provided time to contemplate the overall direction of this place and to develop some new content ideas.

As I noted in the last post, much will be the same but one new twist will become apparent - my willingness to tackle a controversial topic. For the past year, I've avoided venturing into topical issues, preferring to use indirect (but gentle) humor to tap dance around controversy. My rationale was simple - there are literally hundreds, if not thousands, of sites devoted to promoting and shaping thought. (Now the bad news.) However, by dodging the sticky stuff, I was also depriving myself of the therapeutic benefits of "getting something off my chest."

I am, if nothing else, a strong proponent of good mental hygiene. If I thought for one moment I was taking myself down the road to dysfunctionality, I would be horrified. Therefore I have decided to pursue controversy, if necessary, in order to avoid having my train ride to enlightenment derailed. At the same time, this doesn't mean I'm turning Father Time's Place into a pulpit. It just means we will be willing to play hard ball if the situation calls for it.

Harrumph! I feel better already!

New Year - New Look

Time once again to refresh the old blog with some new formatting and colors. Next, we plan to make some changes in editorial direction as we move to a different part of the palette. Some of the old wacky sense of humor will persist, but I'm trying to tackle some issues of a more serious nature as well.

With a new year, as usual, I'm underwhelmed with good intentions. Why change a good thing?

Later y'all! And to all a Great New Year!

Taking Some Time Off

Father Time's personal schedule for the next few weeks is crazy, and likely without computer access. That's a good thing for all of us!

Happy Holidays (or time off as the case may be.)

Railroad Track 101

Whoa!

Rule 1 - Always lay tracks on solid ground!

Rule 2 - Always test new track with old lightweight boxcars before you bring in the heavy stuff.

Rule 3 - If you fail to implement Rule 1 and Rule 2, look for work in the financial industry.

Thus saith Father Time.

Floating Car Gets Better Gas Mileage

If you want better mileage, get those tires off the road. Reduces friction in a big way!

Apparently this is some kind of secret because these people don't have a problem risking life and limb to get a picture!

Thanks to Strange Vehicles for the great picture!

Urban Myth

Have you ever heard this before? "No matter what gasoline costs, I want my family in a BIG car so they'll be safe!"

What now dude? A Freightliner?

And Now You Know The Rest Of The Story

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Something to offend everyone with apologies to no one.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN : We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Transition

This is an interesting time of the year. For some it's a time to look forward to traditional holidays that are a part of their faith. For others, as my friend The Fly says, it's a time for the annual pagan ritual of gift giving to enrich commercial enterprises.

And for others, it's a time to die; to move on from this life to the next.

One of my Hospice patients passed away on Friday. She was one of the most loving and caring persons I have ever known. To my way of thinking, she left us at the perfect time.

Transition is reality, but not morbid. The circumstances may be morbid, but transition is always the same. The good news? It's possibly the only way we will ever know peace in our lifetime. (No, I'm not suicidal, just contemplative.)

In Memory Of Tom

Tom was a kind, fun loving soul who was adored by everyone. Close friends marveled at his perky attitude and sensitive, yet firm leadership around the barnyard; he will be sorely missed by all. Many of his siblings preceded him in death (earlier today) but he alone leaves a legacy that will never be forgotten. Someday, one of his chicks may step up and fill the big scratch marks he left behind.

Peace brother; you were delicious!

A Special Thanksgiving

To those who follow my posts (both of you), have a very memorable and joyus Thanksgiving! In past years, this has been our traditional "family time", but this year is a little different.

We have some special people who can't join us due to other commitments, and one who may not be with us next year due to her health. Realizing this is the case in many other households as well, I wish those whose Thanksgiving will be different, for whatever reasons, a wonderful day with an abundance of happiness. You deserve it!

Peace.

An Unplanned Update: Joey -The Whazzup Dog

Remember Joey, the shelty we adopted in April 2006? Well, I'm going to share what happened this morning at 2:05AM. No, it's not X-rated or scatological in nature - just weird.

Whenever Joey wants to out and play, he makes an almost-human whimper or soft groan. He also knows my typical daily schedule opens up right after lunch. But if I get lazy and don't take him out for a romp in the early afternoon, I get the whimper. Having no life, I've decided this sound is his way of saying, "Whazzup?" (Translation: "What's the problem big guy? It's time for rock-and-roll.")

So, imagine my surprise when I heard a "Whazzup?" at 2:05AM in the morning! Clearly, not a good thing; an incident with no option other than putting on my sweats and shoes, and getting his backside outdoors in case my interpretation was not in sync with his desires. If it was just an ill-timed and ridiculous burst of energy, it would be the last early AM romp. But, if I had misunderstood his intentions, then my household duties in the morning would be much more pleasant and fragrant!

Now, one of the good things about the Pacific Northwest is our abundance of rain. However, one of the bad things about the Pacific Northwest is the timing of the rain. Yes, it was raining this morning at 2:05AM! Out we go, with Joey leading the way at lightning speed. Twice around our big back yard, checking for phantom dogs who apparently had invaded his space; then back to the gate where his message was - "It's time for a walk!"

So, on with the leash and away we go. Up hills and down dark streets at a furious pace. No sniffing or stopping for chores; just a steady dog semi-jog without slowing down a bit.

What was wrong with this dog? Was it some kind of adrenaline blast or crazy sheep-chasing dream? Whatever it was, we finally managed to wear each other out after about 40 minutes and headed for home. We walked in the door, Joey went straight to his bed, and promptly went into a coma-like sleep.

Me, I was wired after a 40-minute jog in the rain at 2:00AM. Made some coffee, picked up my John Muir book, and read for an hour. I carefully read Muir's comments about the joys of being alone in the wilderness. The man was obviously smarter than me. But that's another story (and the end of this one.)

Time for a nap and maybe a dream about running in a marathon. NOT!

We Gave Our All

Unfortunately, Ohio State beat Michigan 42-39; but the Buckeyes left the field knowing they had been in a battle. So, as we said back in '63, "Wait until next year!"

I think it's about time for Father Time to get a tattoo. How about a big "M" on my right blog?

My Boys!

As a member of the "working press" (lol), I feel obligated to join the media frenzy surrounding the Michigan-Ohio State football game today.

Therefore, I present this classy picture of my workshop without shame!

Go Blue!

The Price Of Toys

The old saying "the difference between men and boys is the price of their toys" really fits here!

Excuse me. It's time to write Santa.

The End Of A Journey

This quotation says it best:

Credula vitam spes fovet et melius cras fore semper dicit.

Translation: Credulous hope supports our life, and always says that tomorrow will be better.

Simple Lessons Are The Best

An immediate family member has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Once she had dealt with the reality of her fate, she openly talked with me about her life's journey of 82 years. Her story brought home to me how far we have come as a society, and the fact that despite what we read in the newspapers and see on television, all is not lost.

If you focus on today's world and it's quagmire of wars fueled by greed and inappropriate passions, it's easy to become discouraged and overwhelmed, and experience intense feelings of frustration, futility, and anger.

On the other hand, if we look back 82 years and see how far we have come as a society in improving our life condition, despair can turn to optimism. Optimism that persists, in spite of the endless litany of stupid mistakes made by our governing bodies, and drives us to improve our lot in life.

Amazing isn't it?

Next Project On The Drawing Board

Continuing the trend toward a retirement that packs more in my daily bag than the bag can hold, cast your eyes upon this remodeled kitchen, which is the prototype for my own remodel, to be known henceforth as The Big Mess or if you prefer acronyms - The BM.

This is a picture of my Plan A. (Plan B follows when I get the cost estimates.) Our kitchen layout is exactly the same as this one (minus the cathedral ceiling). New cabinet doors, more glass, a window garden over the sink, and a new gas range should make 2007 exciting for the Time family.

Think of us when you kneel by your bed at night. (I usually kneel by my bed as I rush to pick up cookies I have knocked off the night stand before our shelty Joey gets to them.)

Life is not easy for Father Time!

Attempting A Return To Respectability

The Problem: Father Time has incurred the wrath of the following special interest groups: hunters, women's rights advocates, and the conservative right.

The reason: The previous post entitled Revenge.

The Details: The cartoon showed a lame-brained duck hunter, the outline of a woman's bra, and an empowered duck. (Conservatives hate empowerment!)

The Solution: Show a picture of some damn fine furniture!

Now it's back to watching football and drinking beer in my trophy room while the "little woman" irons and cooks. Then when football ends, I'll watch Bill O'Reilly.

UPDATE by Mother Time: Don't let the old goat fool you. He's really cooking dinner, sipping Pinot Gris, and watching New Yankee Workshop! I'm the one watching football. When football ends, we'll both watch a documentary on global warming by Al Gore.

Revenge

If I ever find a magic wand, this will be at the top of my "to do" list!

Time For A Change

A New Look

Father Time's Place was starting to look older than me , so here's a breath of fresh sea air. Breathe deep! Smells good doesn't it?

What has Father Time been up to?

I'm re-reading Exodus to brush up on my Middle East background since it looks like we're going to be there for a while. Why am I sharing this? Because my blogging time is forced to compete with my reading time, my work with our local Hospice, and the remodeling of our family room to turn it into a media room with wide screen HD TV. (I was getting somewhat financially comfortable so this should cure that feeling!)

And finally, my latest adventure in insanity is "wet weather backpacking." Even took a class on it at our local REI store. The key is developing an attitude that looks forward to seeing our physical environment in a completely different way (plus staying dry - Duh!) The magnificent views are replaced by the good smell of wet soil and forest duff, almost total isolation, and the patter of drops on the tent rain fly at night. Warm coffee in the morning also helps.

I know there's a message here, but I choose to ignore it. My new theme song will probably be "Slip sliding away" and my electric blanket will become an altar.

Memories vs Reality - The Scirocco Returns

This picture of a 1976 VW Scirocco is similar to one I bought after leaving a job with an American car company and moving into the banking field. I had driven one at a comparison test my company held at their proving grounds in Arizona and was blown away by the great ride and handling characteristics it exhibited, along with the zip they extracted from a 4-cyl engine.

Needless to say, my Scirocco served me long and well, and was always a joy to drive no matter how short (or long) the trip. So, there is a soft spot in my heart for anything named "Scirocco".

I was therefore delighted to see these pictures from VW on CarScoop of two concept cars they have named Sciroccos. Details are murky right now but if they follow in their namesake's shoes, I no option other than to start developing a devious plan to convince Ms Time that we have to have one of these in our driveway in the near future. This is going to cost me, in more ways than one!

Never Trust A Duck

The prosecution rests!

The Ford In James Bond's Future

This is a prototype of the 2007 Ford Mondeo built for the filming of Casino Royale (to be released on November 17, 2007.) Not only will we have a new James Bond but a never-seen-before vehicle as well.




The $64K questions are; 1.) will they build these for the North American market and 2.) how much will they cost?



According to CarScoop, Ford's Martin Smith, Ford of Europe's Executive Director for Design, says this car will only be sold in Europe and will not even be built until the second quarter of 2007.

So, once again, we'll see cars in a James Bond movie that are out of our reach!

Incidentally, this is not Bond's primary car; he still drives an Aston Martin in the movie. I guess this is his "rental" car.

Logger's Delight

Here's another way we can consume dwindling resources. Of course, if you build it from an old fence in the back forty or recycle your deck, it will win the Father Time Environmental Award Of Merit (FTEAM) with ease.

When's the last time you rode your fence?

The Blog Is Not Dead - Just On Vacation

Father Time does not possess the latest in high tech gear, I.E., a laptop computer. So, when I head for the woods or the beach or distant wineries, I'm clearly out-of-touch. (Some would say I'm that way when I'm home, but they're just jealous.)

So now it's time to return to "The Place" and share some stuff. What it will be is not clear; be reassured that it will include the usual cars, planes, Pacific Northwest scenic wonders, goofy things people have built, and last but not least - damn fine furniture.

Come with us as we explore the world of asymmetrical organic furniture. Join me in trying to decide whether it's art, comfort food, or something that should be placed in your living room as a place for company to sit. Or all three!.

Huh?