Other Distractions

Photo by Richard Silverstein*

More Reasons For Sporadic Blogging
Continuing the list of activities that consume too much of my time, we have this goody - finding the best set of plans for a home-built wooden kayak.

The criteria are:
1.) It must be wood since I have zero plastic-working skills;
2.) It must be somewhat simple in design so that someone with intermediate woodworking skills can complete it without investing in major league power tools;
3.) It must be out of the workshop in time for Spring hiking and trout fishing.

Have I found one? Not yet, but the research is delicious!
This particular design intrigues me because a close friend is thinking of taking a kayak trip down the Willamette river from Corvallis to Oregon City, Oregon. That gives me plenty of time to build one, increase my daily workout to focus on stamina and take my self-imposed lessons on surviving a rollover incident.

That will put a crimp in my blogging but increase my inventory of nature photos. Not a bad trade off!

*See www.richardsilverstein.com. It's a great site!

NASCAR Sister Flogs The Blogger

Where Does The Time Go?

NASCAR Sister tactfully reminded me today that once again this site is in remission. Gentle reminders like, "What are doing with all of your time bro?" and. "Why don't you post more often?"

She's right. When my life is on a roll, my priorities take a hit, and lately blogging has been DOA. So, let's correct the situation and bring everyone up-to-date on what was so darned important that Father Time couldn't spend five minutes on the laptop!


Here's One Distraction

Yes it's a dog. Son and SigO's Dog. He's also a fan of an Oregon university whose football team is nationally ranked. To clarify, any dog who is NOT a football fan is merely - a dog. Nothing else. Just a dog.

But as you can see, this is not just a dog. This is a Duck Dog. And, as the second photo shows, he's happy with or without his "uniform." Why we do this to our pets is a mystery to me. The worst part, however, is the dog doesn't even know the team's fight song!

I can handle that!


Family and Tailgating

Now, here's another time-consumer in the fall. Tailgating! We get together in a parking lot and set up an organic juice bar. Every conceivable fruit juice is available. Notice how happy it makes the participants. The happy couple pictured here includes my daughter - the one wearing the Duck hat.

Tomorrow we'll review some other meaningful social activities that happen around The Place. Maybe!

Finally!

Father Time has been looking for a Shaker-inspired end table design. The idea started with the traditional long legged Shaker side table, but needed to be lower to fit into today's more relaxed interior designs.

My obvious non-original idea showed up in an advertisement for "particle board" furniture featured at a local store. So, the only thing original about my version will be the fact that it's 100% solid cherry.

"Better late than inexpensive" is my new motto.

Did You Know?

Little Known Fact - Maybe

Did you know that you can see an enlarged version of the pictures posted here by clicking on the picture? (The photo on the previous post really comes to life when expanded; however, if you try that with my profile picture, you just see the winner of the Freddy Krueger look-alike contest!)

OK, So It's My Time Of Year

Declaration Of Bias
I'm a "seasons" fan. My outlook and energy levels are never higher than during the equinoxes and solstices. If we had eight distinct seasons rather than four, I would be in Nirvana. However, overwhelming my senses, an acknowledged character flaw, (along with sniffing a good Pinot Noir well beyond the requisite 15 seconds), to the best of my knowledge, is neither harmful nor addictive.

Hidden Agenda
So, this picture of the Columbia Gorge not only lets me indulge myself, but concurrently performs a semi-public service. If you happen to be reading The Good Rain by Timothy Egan, this picture can help you attain some great mental images.

Enjoy! Envy is OK too.

Special Request

Here's another reason to leave civilization behind and see what nature has to offer. There are no sirens, dogs barking, or hammers pounding away building new homes. Instead, it offers a glimpse of where we were before we decided that seeing inside our neighbor's kitchen was more important than seeing wilderness. Sorry for the cynicism. Not like me at all. I'm from the "live and let live" school of tribalism; must need more coffee!

And what about the "Special Request?"
It's for a good friend in the Midwest whom, I'm sure, has scenery to rival this. Enjoy!

Some Benefits Of Maturity

Hijacked "Thoughts For The Day"

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
-Author Unknown

I'm not tired. I'm just more relaxed.
-Father Time

And that's the truth!

Backpacking Weather Turns Wet

Hobby Or Obsession?
If you have followed this blog in the past, you know one of my passions is getting out in the woods for a few days of solitude. Since this summer was a blur of unexpected activities that controlled me rather than vice versa, my secret affair with Mother Nature is now limited to the few remaining days of semi-temperate, but continuously changing weather. So, when I get wet, I get really wet! And why do I torture myself like this?

The answer is evident in this picture, as well as literally hundreds of other breathtaking back-country scenes that keep me coming back for more. There's plenty of time to be dry when I get home, so this method of recharging of my inner being is worth every moment of discomfort.

Thus endeth the sermon for today. Drip, drip.

New Look Means Means I'm Back

Where Has Father Time Been?
No posts in September. No explanations or prior warnings. Was it just plain old American negligence?

"Yes."

The prosecution rests.

Making Amends
OK, I confess - I was dogging it and just having too much fun. But, there is an upside if you are one of the few who has ever followed this blog. Things look different but the posts will follow the same format; my overarching guidelines are still chaos, randomness, and the exercise of free will - my free will. Maybe.

I'm back and will be just as serious or goofy, philosophically heavy or sardonic, satirical or whimsical, and just plain off the wall as ever.

Is This Good News?
It is for me because now my conscience is clear, my soul is relieved, and my feelings of guilt are in high gear! Life is good.

Thought For The Day
"It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker."

No joke!

Communications

I used to love the convenience of having a cell phone. That is, until my current iteration decided to die unexpectedly. Back to the store; phone replaced under warranty. Less than 24 hours later, new phone dies. Repeat steps 1 and 2.

Guess what? This morning new phone #3 is dead.

I am by nature a happy person. This is merely a test to see if I have character flaws that have been unknown until know.

They may be on to something.

Another Failed Attempt At Wisdom.

Did you ever notice that when life becomes hectic, everything that can happen does happen? Conversely,when a crisis is over, an abundance of spare time that is out of proportion to the time spent in crisis, emerges from nowhere?

This undoubtedly will go down as one of my strangest posts ever!

August 16 -NASCAR Sister's Birthday Is Today

In keeping with a long-held tradition, the celebration of NASCAR Sister's birthday will again feature another installment of her biography, much to the delight of her children and especially, her co-workers!
This is not made up. It's the straight scoop! (Truth is hallmark of this blog!)

NASCAR Is Aging Gracefully


Believe your eyes! Yes, NASCAR Sister has not changed one bit in the past 40 years. Notice how slight the difference is between her 5th grade picture and a current portrait. This is truly a testament to her strict regime of intensive physical training coupled with a healthy diet of Fritos dipped in warm butter and Budweiser. Oh, how I admire her awesome willpower!

NASCAR Sister Is A Leader In Environmental Education!

NASCAR sister's current job involves taking knowledge starved young students for walks in the forest. Look closely at the picture on the left and you will see one of the many wild animals indigenous to her region. She routinely confronts these vicious beasts, debilitates them with her perfume, then drags them back to her office for all to see. On the right we see a bright young student who has recently returned from one of Sister's pilgrimages, expressing her appreciation for an exciting day spent increasing her knowledge of the great outdoors.

Remember Cool Dude?
Well, NASCAR Sister's better half (sexism intentional), also known as Cool Dude has retired after an illustrious career as a PortaPotty Drag Racing Engineer. As you see, has turned his considerable talents to motorcycle design. Clearly, his experience in PortaPotty design is reflected in this masterpiece. Way to go Cool Dude!
NASCAR Sister Finally Buys A House
After searching the country far and wide, she finally found her dream home. It was a fixer-upper, but now, after almost a solid year of hard work, we see the finished estate. Once again, I am so envious of Sister's success in everything she does, I can only respond like this!

So THERE NASCAR Sister!
Out of spite, I'm forced to include a picture of NASCAR Sister's first boy friend. When she sees this picture she is typically overcome with lust and lascivious thoughts. The last time I did this, she begged me to destroy the picture, but I didn't! BWAHAHAHA!

Art Imitates Life

Is this amazing or what? I've always heard that each of us has their double somewhere on the planet. But when one randomly surfs the Internet and sees an exact likeness of a friend, how freaky is that?

Now on to more important things:

Coming Attractions Nearing Completion

1.) Father Time presents The Fly doing his impression of Rodney Dangerfield

2.) Father Time's annual review of the life of NASCAR sister, in time for her birthday on August 16th.

Can you feel the excitement building? If you do, get a grip!

Milepost 68 - Returning To A Normal Life

In the beginning

Here's to living a relatively normal life, if that means anything in our current culture. 2007 has been an "interesting" year for Father Time and family, especially if you use the Chinese translation of the word "interesting." Somewhere between chaotic and a Level 5 hurricane would be apropos. (No disrespect to Katrina victims intended - just a metaphor to lay groundwork for the following:)

Let's take inventory.

Loss of Mother In Law after a 5-month illness;
Recurrence of breast cancer in Mrs. Time;
Prostate operation for yours truly;
Return of son from college with a truckload of furniture;

That's about it. Pretty average compared to the travails some people face daily, monthly, and permanently.

Take Fly for instance.

At this point, Henny Youngman would prompt me to say, "No, you take Fly. I can't take him anymore."

Fly has lived in the desert, commuted cross country to take a job with a mystery company, now lives in the South, and works at a job that is so secret that even he doesn't know what it is or where it's located. Now that's "interesting."

Henny Youngman

Now Fly enters and says, "Who the heck is Henny Youngman?"

That's to be expected from any pseudo-historian whose primary focus is war.

As a public service to those under the age of 25, here are some examples of Henny Youngman:

I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.

My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.

Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.

I made a killing in the stock market. I shot my broker.

There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.

My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.

He's an agent now. He must know talent. He gave up acting.

Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.

I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."

He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.

In conclusion

That's all folks!

Next installment - The Fly's impression of Rodney Dangerfield.

Never Say Die

OK. So I've been lax in tending to my blogging duties. Agreed. No argument. I won't even make excuses, because they would be so emotionally charged, and intellectually challenging, that even I won't understand what's going on in my life.

So..........I will carve up the past four weeks into bite-size chunks and offer them one at a time so as not to overwhelm anyone. One of us being overwhelmed is enough!

Cio!

Why Do People Do The Things They Do?

Sometimes, I am completely mystified by the things people do to their pets. Here's a good example.

OK, so maybe this is their way of "expressing creativity." Give me a break!

This is starting to sound like Andy Rooney isn't it? And another thing....

Go to any major university book store. Go to the section where they sell sweatshirts and team spirit items. I will bet you there are at least four or five "uniforms" for your dog or cat....in different sizes yet!

I need to get a grip. I'll be back when I calm down.

Stuff Father Time Wants

Disclaimer

Don't worry. Father Time hasn't gone materialistic on you. This is, once again, one more ill-fated attempt at humor, using The Fly as my foil. In all honesty, I recommend you stop here and pursue something meaningful, like taking inventory of your toilet paper supply, or waxing the dog. You'll find it's time well spent.

The List

Here goes:

A wooden hand plane so I look good when I mutilate things in my workshop. Notice the actual picture instead of cheesy "links" that take you to parts of the Internet rarely seen by humans. Now check out The Fly's list.
I rest my case.



A 5 quart stainless steel saucier so I only have to wash one pan when I cook. Right now I use one to saute, another to make the sauce, and another to combine the ingredients, and finally a dish to serve it in. Four vs one? Makes sense to me.

That's It!

See how easy it is? When you have everything, you don't need much.

Now,compare my list with The Fly's list. It drones on endlessly with stuff from the UK, things that you need when you get into combat (with whom?), CD's by groups that have never had musical training, TV reruns, and books by guys that are dead.

Who knows? Maybe I'll invite The Fly to a debate on materialism. It'll be like shooting fish in a barrel.

Nothing New Under The Sun?

Never Say Never
Back in the early 60's, I had a chance to work on some GM prototypes that had monster rear wings and front air dams, not unlike the ones shown here.

Historical perspective - GM was being pushed by the new generation of "safety-ites", who felt the big boats GM was building were unsafe due to "poor handling" (and that's the polite way to say it!)

So the R&D boys sent us some Electra 225 4-door sedans with wings and air damns, similar to these, except, to be perfectly honest, about half the size. We all had a good chuckle since GM's standard guidance to it's engineers was that any innovation had to be "commercially acceptable."

Without a doubt, our prototypes were sorry examples of anything anyone would buy. But we tested them anyway and sent back data showing improved handling at 80+ mph. At that time our little group conceded that none of us would ever see anything like those monstrosities again.

So "Never" Came To Be

When I saw these pictures I realized that the word "never" comes with time limits! Somebody, somewhere will always prove you wrong if you use "never" in a conversation.

And another one bites the dust!

And You Thought The Last Post Was Ugly!

OK, so I'm not Yul Brynner; even Popeye is better looking.

Mother Time is going through chemo right now so a couple of us decided to join the "no-hair" brigade. Good idea at the time. Bad idea in execution.

Hmmmm, speaking of executions - oh never mind!

Even Uglier News!

Father Time's 50th high school reunion in Michigan occurs on September 8, 2007, which begs the following questions:

Do you think enough hair will grow back that the airlines will let me board without running my fingerprints through an FBI database?

Do you think that the flight attendants will draw straws with the loser having to wait on me?

Will my former classmates call 911 when I show up at the reunion?

Will my relatives in Michigan disown me?

Hey! What would life be like without a few challenges?

The correct answer is "Pretty sweet!"

Father Time's Early Warning System

Why is this man NOT on somebody's wanted list?

This is a picture of The Fly.

Why this picture is not posted on some website that specializes in warning people of animal predators, nudist camp rejects, or offspring of famous hit men, is a complete mystery to me.

After viewing this picture on the blog Thus Saith The Fly, I am compelled to warn all my decent and non-dysfunctional friends (both of you) that this is beyond scary. It's scary at a level that even exceeds the spectre of world-wide terrorism.

What are the consequences of viewing this photograph even though your rationale mind tells you something this hideous cannot be real?

Take heed my friends and do not look at this picture for an excessive amount of time. In shock, I allowed my eyes to view it for more than 30 seconds. I am now completely color blind and have fuzzy vision, even without consuming a couple of glasses of Chardonnay or a pint of Guinness!

That's powerful.

Conclusion (Finally)

The world we know has changed. When one sees something like this and realizes it is looking at the future, one can only conclude that suicide is a viable option afterall!