In the beginningHere's to living a relatively normal life, if that means anything in our current culture. 2007 has been an "interesting" year for Father Time and family, especially if you use the Chinese translation of the word "interesting." Somewhere between chaotic and a Level 5 hurricane would be apropos. (No disrespect to Katrina victims intended - just a metaphor to lay groundwork for the following:)
Let's take inventory.
Loss of Mother In Law after a 5-month illness;
Recurrence of breast cancer in Mrs. Time;
Prostate operation for yours truly;
Return of son from college with a truckload of furniture;
That's about it. Pretty average compared to the travails some people face daily, monthly, and permanently.
Take
Fly for instance.
At this point, Henny Youngman would prompt me to say, "No, you take Fly. I can't take him anymore."Fly has lived in the desert, commuted cross country to take a job with a mystery company, now lives in the South, and works at a job that is
so secret that even he doesn't know what it is or where it's located. Now that's "interesting."
Henny YoungmanNow Fly enters and says, "Who the heck is Henny Youngman?"
That's to be expected from any pseudo-historian whose primary focus is war.As a public service to those under the age of 25, here are some examples of Henny Youngman:
I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.
My wife and I got remarried. Our divorce didn't work out.
Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.
I made a killing in the stock market. I shot my broker.
There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.
My wife has a keen sense of humor. The more I humor her, the better.
He's an agent now. He must know talent. He gave up acting.
Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.
I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."
He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.
In conclusionThat's all folks!
Next installment - The Fly's impression of Rodney Dangerfield.
NASCAR sister's current job involves taking knowledge starved young students for walks in the forest. Look closely at the picture on the left and you will see one of the many wild animals indigenous to her region. She routinely confronts these vicious beasts, debilitates them with her perfume, then drags them back to her office for all to see. On the right we see a bright young student who has recently returned from one of Sister's pilgrimages, expressing her appreciation for an exciting day spent increasing her knowledge of the great outdoors.
Well, NASCAR Sister's better half (sexism intentional), also known as Cool Dude has retired after an illustrious career as a PortaPotty Drag Racing Engineer. As you see, has turned his considerable talents to motorcycle design. Clearly, his experience in PortaPotty design is reflected in this masterpiece. Way to go Cool Dude!
After searching the country far and wide, she finally found her dream home. It was a fixer-upper, but now, after almost a solid year of hard work, we see the finished estate. Once again, I am so envious of Sister's success in everything she does, I can only respond like this!
Out of spite, I'm forced to include a picture of NASCAR Sister's first boy friend. When she sees this picture she is typically overcome with lust and lascivious thoughts. The last time I did this, she begged me to destroy the picture, but I didn't! BWAHAHAHA!
