Urban Myth

Have you ever heard this before? "No matter what gasoline costs, I want my family in a BIG car so they'll be safe!"

What now dude? A Freightliner?

And Now You Know The Rest Of The Story

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Something to offend everyone with apologies to no one.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN : We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Transition

This is an interesting time of the year. For some it's a time to look forward to traditional holidays that are a part of their faith. For others, as my friend The Fly says, it's a time for the annual pagan ritual of gift giving to enrich commercial enterprises.

And for others, it's a time to die; to move on from this life to the next.

One of my Hospice patients passed away on Friday. She was one of the most loving and caring persons I have ever known. To my way of thinking, she left us at the perfect time.

Transition is reality, but not morbid. The circumstances may be morbid, but transition is always the same. The good news? It's possibly the only way we will ever know peace in our lifetime. (No, I'm not suicidal, just contemplative.)

In Memory Of Tom

Tom was a kind, fun loving soul who was adored by everyone. Close friends marveled at his perky attitude and sensitive, yet firm leadership around the barnyard; he will be sorely missed by all. Many of his siblings preceded him in death (earlier today) but he alone leaves a legacy that will never be forgotten. Someday, one of his chicks may step up and fill the big scratch marks he left behind.

Peace brother; you were delicious!

A Special Thanksgiving

To those who follow my posts (both of you), have a very memorable and joyus Thanksgiving! In past years, this has been our traditional "family time", but this year is a little different.

We have some special people who can't join us due to other commitments, and one who may not be with us next year due to her health. Realizing this is the case in many other households as well, I wish those whose Thanksgiving will be different, for whatever reasons, a wonderful day with an abundance of happiness. You deserve it!

Peace.

An Unplanned Update: Joey -The Whazzup Dog

Remember Joey, the shelty we adopted in April 2006? Well, I'm going to share what happened this morning at 2:05AM. No, it's not X-rated or scatological in nature - just weird.

Whenever Joey wants to out and play, he makes an almost-human whimper or soft groan. He also knows my typical daily schedule opens up right after lunch. But if I get lazy and don't take him out for a romp in the early afternoon, I get the whimper. Having no life, I've decided this sound is his way of saying, "Whazzup?" (Translation: "What's the problem big guy? It's time for rock-and-roll.")

So, imagine my surprise when I heard a "Whazzup?" at 2:05AM in the morning! Clearly, not a good thing; an incident with no option other than putting on my sweats and shoes, and getting his backside outdoors in case my interpretation was not in sync with his desires. If it was just an ill-timed and ridiculous burst of energy, it would be the last early AM romp. But, if I had misunderstood his intentions, then my household duties in the morning would be much more pleasant and fragrant!

Now, one of the good things about the Pacific Northwest is our abundance of rain. However, one of the bad things about the Pacific Northwest is the timing of the rain. Yes, it was raining this morning at 2:05AM! Out we go, with Joey leading the way at lightning speed. Twice around our big back yard, checking for phantom dogs who apparently had invaded his space; then back to the gate where his message was - "It's time for a walk!"

So, on with the leash and away we go. Up hills and down dark streets at a furious pace. No sniffing or stopping for chores; just a steady dog semi-jog without slowing down a bit.

What was wrong with this dog? Was it some kind of adrenaline blast or crazy sheep-chasing dream? Whatever it was, we finally managed to wear each other out after about 40 minutes and headed for home. We walked in the door, Joey went straight to his bed, and promptly went into a coma-like sleep.

Me, I was wired after a 40-minute jog in the rain at 2:00AM. Made some coffee, picked up my John Muir book, and read for an hour. I carefully read Muir's comments about the joys of being alone in the wilderness. The man was obviously smarter than me. But that's another story (and the end of this one.)

Time for a nap and maybe a dream about running in a marathon. NOT!

We Gave Our All

Unfortunately, Ohio State beat Michigan 42-39; but the Buckeyes left the field knowing they had been in a battle. So, as we said back in '63, "Wait until next year!"

I think it's about time for Father Time to get a tattoo. How about a big "M" on my right blog?

My Boys!

As a member of the "working press" (lol), I feel obligated to join the media frenzy surrounding the Michigan-Ohio State football game today.

Therefore, I present this classy picture of my workshop without shame!

Go Blue!

The Price Of Toys

The old saying "the difference between men and boys is the price of their toys" really fits here!

Excuse me. It's time to write Santa.

The End Of A Journey

This quotation says it best:

Credula vitam spes fovet et melius cras fore semper dicit.

Translation: Credulous hope supports our life, and always says that tomorrow will be better.

Simple Lessons Are The Best

An immediate family member has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Once she had dealt with the reality of her fate, she openly talked with me about her life's journey of 82 years. Her story brought home to me how far we have come as a society, and the fact that despite what we read in the newspapers and see on television, all is not lost.

If you focus on today's world and it's quagmire of wars fueled by greed and inappropriate passions, it's easy to become discouraged and overwhelmed, and experience intense feelings of frustration, futility, and anger.

On the other hand, if we look back 82 years and see how far we have come as a society in improving our life condition, despair can turn to optimism. Optimism that persists, in spite of the endless litany of stupid mistakes made by our governing bodies, and drives us to improve our lot in life.

Amazing isn't it?

Next Project On The Drawing Board

Continuing the trend toward a retirement that packs more in my daily bag than the bag can hold, cast your eyes upon this remodeled kitchen, which is the prototype for my own remodel, to be known henceforth as The Big Mess or if you prefer acronyms - The BM.

This is a picture of my Plan A. (Plan B follows when I get the cost estimates.) Our kitchen layout is exactly the same as this one (minus the cathedral ceiling). New cabinet doors, more glass, a window garden over the sink, and a new gas range should make 2007 exciting for the Time family.

Think of us when you kneel by your bed at night. (I usually kneel by my bed as I rush to pick up cookies I have knocked off the night stand before our shelty Joey gets to them.)

Life is not easy for Father Time!