New Year - New Look

Time once again to refresh the old blog with some new formatting and colors. Next, we plan to make some changes in editorial direction as we move to a different part of the palette. Some of the old wacky sense of humor will persist, but I'm trying to tackle some issues of a more serious nature as well.

With a new year, as usual, I'm underwhelmed with good intentions. Why change a good thing?

Later y'all! And to all a Great New Year!

Taking Some Time Off

Father Time's personal schedule for the next few weeks is crazy, and likely without computer access. That's a good thing for all of us!

Happy Holidays (or time off as the case may be.)

Railroad Track 101

Whoa!

Rule 1 - Always lay tracks on solid ground!

Rule 2 - Always test new track with old lightweight boxcars before you bring in the heavy stuff.

Rule 3 - If you fail to implement Rule 1 and Rule 2, look for work in the financial industry.

Thus saith Father Time.

Floating Car Gets Better Gas Mileage

If you want better mileage, get those tires off the road. Reduces friction in a big way!

Apparently this is some kind of secret because these people don't have a problem risking life and limb to get a picture!

Thanks to Strange Vehicles for the great picture!

Urban Myth

Have you ever heard this before? "No matter what gasoline costs, I want my family in a BIG car so they'll be safe!"

What now dude? A Freightliner?

And Now You Know The Rest Of The Story

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Something to offend everyone with apologies to no one.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN : We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2006, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Transition

This is an interesting time of the year. For some it's a time to look forward to traditional holidays that are a part of their faith. For others, as my friend The Fly says, it's a time for the annual pagan ritual of gift giving to enrich commercial enterprises.

And for others, it's a time to die; to move on from this life to the next.

One of my Hospice patients passed away on Friday. She was one of the most loving and caring persons I have ever known. To my way of thinking, she left us at the perfect time.

Transition is reality, but not morbid. The circumstances may be morbid, but transition is always the same. The good news? It's possibly the only way we will ever know peace in our lifetime. (No, I'm not suicidal, just contemplative.)

In Memory Of Tom

Tom was a kind, fun loving soul who was adored by everyone. Close friends marveled at his perky attitude and sensitive, yet firm leadership around the barnyard; he will be sorely missed by all. Many of his siblings preceded him in death (earlier today) but he alone leaves a legacy that will never be forgotten. Someday, one of his chicks may step up and fill the big scratch marks he left behind.

Peace brother; you were delicious!

A Special Thanksgiving

To those who follow my posts (both of you), have a very memorable and joyus Thanksgiving! In past years, this has been our traditional "family time", but this year is a little different.

We have some special people who can't join us due to other commitments, and one who may not be with us next year due to her health. Realizing this is the case in many other households as well, I wish those whose Thanksgiving will be different, for whatever reasons, a wonderful day with an abundance of happiness. You deserve it!

Peace.

An Unplanned Update: Joey -The Whazzup Dog

Remember Joey, the shelty we adopted in April 2006? Well, I'm going to share what happened this morning at 2:05AM. No, it's not X-rated or scatological in nature - just weird.

Whenever Joey wants to out and play, he makes an almost-human whimper or soft groan. He also knows my typical daily schedule opens up right after lunch. But if I get lazy and don't take him out for a romp in the early afternoon, I get the whimper. Having no life, I've decided this sound is his way of saying, "Whazzup?" (Translation: "What's the problem big guy? It's time for rock-and-roll.")

So, imagine my surprise when I heard a "Whazzup?" at 2:05AM in the morning! Clearly, not a good thing; an incident with no option other than putting on my sweats and shoes, and getting his backside outdoors in case my interpretation was not in sync with his desires. If it was just an ill-timed and ridiculous burst of energy, it would be the last early AM romp. But, if I had misunderstood his intentions, then my household duties in the morning would be much more pleasant and fragrant!

Now, one of the good things about the Pacific Northwest is our abundance of rain. However, one of the bad things about the Pacific Northwest is the timing of the rain. Yes, it was raining this morning at 2:05AM! Out we go, with Joey leading the way at lightning speed. Twice around our big back yard, checking for phantom dogs who apparently had invaded his space; then back to the gate where his message was - "It's time for a walk!"

So, on with the leash and away we go. Up hills and down dark streets at a furious pace. No sniffing or stopping for chores; just a steady dog semi-jog without slowing down a bit.

What was wrong with this dog? Was it some kind of adrenaline blast or crazy sheep-chasing dream? Whatever it was, we finally managed to wear each other out after about 40 minutes and headed for home. We walked in the door, Joey went straight to his bed, and promptly went into a coma-like sleep.

Me, I was wired after a 40-minute jog in the rain at 2:00AM. Made some coffee, picked up my John Muir book, and read for an hour. I carefully read Muir's comments about the joys of being alone in the wilderness. The man was obviously smarter than me. But that's another story (and the end of this one.)

Time for a nap and maybe a dream about running in a marathon. NOT!

We Gave Our All

Unfortunately, Ohio State beat Michigan 42-39; but the Buckeyes left the field knowing they had been in a battle. So, as we said back in '63, "Wait until next year!"

I think it's about time for Father Time to get a tattoo. How about a big "M" on my right blog?

My Boys!

As a member of the "working press" (lol), I feel obligated to join the media frenzy surrounding the Michigan-Ohio State football game today.

Therefore, I present this classy picture of my workshop without shame!

Go Blue!

The Price Of Toys

The old saying "the difference between men and boys is the price of their toys" really fits here!

Excuse me. It's time to write Santa.

The End Of A Journey

This quotation says it best:

Credula vitam spes fovet et melius cras fore semper dicit.

Translation: Credulous hope supports our life, and always says that tomorrow will be better.

Simple Lessons Are The Best

An immediate family member has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. Once she had dealt with the reality of her fate, she openly talked with me about her life's journey of 82 years. Her story brought home to me how far we have come as a society, and the fact that despite what we read in the newspapers and see on television, all is not lost.

If you focus on today's world and it's quagmire of wars fueled by greed and inappropriate passions, it's easy to become discouraged and overwhelmed, and experience intense feelings of frustration, futility, and anger.

On the other hand, if we look back 82 years and see how far we have come as a society in improving our life condition, despair can turn to optimism. Optimism that persists, in spite of the endless litany of stupid mistakes made by our governing bodies, and drives us to improve our lot in life.

Amazing isn't it?

Next Project On The Drawing Board

Continuing the trend toward a retirement that packs more in my daily bag than the bag can hold, cast your eyes upon this remodeled kitchen, which is the prototype for my own remodel, to be known henceforth as The Big Mess or if you prefer acronyms - The BM.

This is a picture of my Plan A. (Plan B follows when I get the cost estimates.) Our kitchen layout is exactly the same as this one (minus the cathedral ceiling). New cabinet doors, more glass, a window garden over the sink, and a new gas range should make 2007 exciting for the Time family.

Think of us when you kneel by your bed at night. (I usually kneel by my bed as I rush to pick up cookies I have knocked off the night stand before our shelty Joey gets to them.)

Life is not easy for Father Time!

Attempting A Return To Respectability

The Problem: Father Time has incurred the wrath of the following special interest groups: hunters, women's rights advocates, and the conservative right.

The reason: The previous post entitled Revenge.

The Details: The cartoon showed a lame-brained duck hunter, the outline of a woman's bra, and an empowered duck. (Conservatives hate empowerment!)

The Solution: Show a picture of some damn fine furniture!

Now it's back to watching football and drinking beer in my trophy room while the "little woman" irons and cooks. Then when football ends, I'll watch Bill O'Reilly.

UPDATE by Mother Time: Don't let the old goat fool you. He's really cooking dinner, sipping Pinot Gris, and watching New Yankee Workshop! I'm the one watching football. When football ends, we'll both watch a documentary on global warming by Al Gore.

Revenge

If I ever find a magic wand, this will be at the top of my "to do" list!

Time For A Change

A New Look

Father Time's Place was starting to look older than me , so here's a breath of fresh sea air. Breathe deep! Smells good doesn't it?

What has Father Time been up to?

I'm re-reading Exodus to brush up on my Middle East background since it looks like we're going to be there for a while. Why am I sharing this? Because my blogging time is forced to compete with my reading time, my work with our local Hospice, and the remodeling of our family room to turn it into a media room with wide screen HD TV. (I was getting somewhat financially comfortable so this should cure that feeling!)

And finally, my latest adventure in insanity is "wet weather backpacking." Even took a class on it at our local REI store. The key is developing an attitude that looks forward to seeing our physical environment in a completely different way (plus staying dry - Duh!) The magnificent views are replaced by the good smell of wet soil and forest duff, almost total isolation, and the patter of drops on the tent rain fly at night. Warm coffee in the morning also helps.

I know there's a message here, but I choose to ignore it. My new theme song will probably be "Slip sliding away" and my electric blanket will become an altar.

Memories vs Reality - The Scirocco Returns

This picture of a 1976 VW Scirocco is similar to one I bought after leaving a job with an American car company and moving into the banking field. I had driven one at a comparison test my company held at their proving grounds in Arizona and was blown away by the great ride and handling characteristics it exhibited, along with the zip they extracted from a 4-cyl engine.

Needless to say, my Scirocco served me long and well, and was always a joy to drive no matter how short (or long) the trip. So, there is a soft spot in my heart for anything named "Scirocco".

I was therefore delighted to see these pictures from VW on CarScoop of two concept cars they have named Sciroccos. Details are murky right now but if they follow in their namesake's shoes, I no option other than to start developing a devious plan to convince Ms Time that we have to have one of these in our driveway in the near future. This is going to cost me, in more ways than one!

Never Trust A Duck

The prosecution rests!

The Ford In James Bond's Future

This is a prototype of the 2007 Ford Mondeo built for the filming of Casino Royale (to be released on November 17, 2007.) Not only will we have a new James Bond but a never-seen-before vehicle as well.




The $64K questions are; 1.) will they build these for the North American market and 2.) how much will they cost?



According to CarScoop, Ford's Martin Smith, Ford of Europe's Executive Director for Design, says this car will only be sold in Europe and will not even be built until the second quarter of 2007.

So, once again, we'll see cars in a James Bond movie that are out of our reach!

Incidentally, this is not Bond's primary car; he still drives an Aston Martin in the movie. I guess this is his "rental" car.

Logger's Delight

Here's another way we can consume dwindling resources. Of course, if you build it from an old fence in the back forty or recycle your deck, it will win the Father Time Environmental Award Of Merit (FTEAM) with ease.

When's the last time you rode your fence?

The Blog Is Not Dead - Just On Vacation

Father Time does not possess the latest in high tech gear, I.E., a laptop computer. So, when I head for the woods or the beach or distant wineries, I'm clearly out-of-touch. (Some would say I'm that way when I'm home, but they're just jealous.)

So now it's time to return to "The Place" and share some stuff. What it will be is not clear; be reassured that it will include the usual cars, planes, Pacific Northwest scenic wonders, goofy things people have built, and last but not least - damn fine furniture.

Come with us as we explore the world of asymmetrical organic furniture. Join me in trying to decide whether it's art, comfort food, or something that should be placed in your living room as a place for company to sit. Or all three!.

Huh?

A Quick "Hello" Between Backpacking Trips

Back for the weekend, but off and running again tomorrow. In the meantime, I thought I would share a couple of pictures I took on the Brice Creek Trail in the Umpqua National Forest near Cottage Grove, Oregon. There is unbelievable beauty even during our "dry" season that precedes the winter rains.

Brice Creek Trail

Here's the "Old Swimming Hole", named by many foul and fragrant hikers who have found hygienic relief here at the end of the day. It is COLD!



And this is Trestle Falls at the end of the dry season. It should be an outstanding cascade after the winter rains arrive and snow melts in the spring. I will go back in May 2007 for an "after" picture. Should be awesome!

Cheers!

Heading For The Cascades

The forest fires are under control, the mosquitoes have expired, the weather is right; it's back to Mount Jefferson for a few days. Junior Time is going with me on this trip for some pre-senior year relaxation. Our destination is Cathedral Rocks below Pamelia Lake, spending at least one night there and exploring ancient volcanic formations the following day. This will also be our first time using a new water purifier, allowing us to tap into some of the many glacier-fed streams along the way. Did I mention the water is really cold? Ya, it's really cold!

This time the camera goes too. Stay tuned for some (I hope) great pictures!

Cio!

Deep Thoughts

After three years of retirement, I feel that law enforcement would make a great third career. This decision is based on two things; first, because of our city's new enforcement vehicles, and second, because of our city's new enforcement vehicles!

Now, if I can just knock out 100 pushups!

Father Time Upgrades His Wheels

Father Time's old walker is just not getting the job done in the high country, so the time has come to upgrade.
Loaded down with my 40# backpack, expedition tent, and fly fishing gear, the old walker is just not capable of being towed up and down the hills by my pet llama Ralph anymore. With me riding in the seat, the wheels are becoming egg-shaped from carrying all the weight. Plus Ralph is getting testy going uphill now, so the need for a new set of wheels is clear.
I found this beauty at Honest Heraldo's in East Town yesterday. With only 10,200' on the odometer and a one-cylinder diesel engine that gets 300' to the gallon, I should be "sitting pretty" when gasoline prices go higher.

Of concern however:

1.) Wet weather. Maybe a really cool rain suit or even a Sherlock Holmes style hat?

2.) People driving Surburbans and Yukons. Their envy will lead to road rage. Road rage will lead to Medicare insurance claims for Father Time.

A real conundrum. Maybe the old walker isn't so bad.

NASCAR Sister's Birthday Pictures

After my post about NASCAR Sister's birthday, she was kind enough to send me pictures of one of her gifts, and a precious family photo of the party aftermath. (They have "aftermath" where she lives cause of the weird weather!)

The vehicle is a slightly modified 1956 Packard Clipper. Her husband, Cool Dude modified the wheels to accept Deep South Wide Profile Highway Grippers for driving in bad weather. She will never be late for work again!

And finally, we see Cool Dude taking a short nap after dinner. Cool Dude is a religious man, and religiously drinks a 6-pack of Bud every night after work. We see him here in deep meditation just before wrestling starts on television.

Do these people know how to live or what? I'm SO jealous!

One Person's View Of Troubled Times

I've been getting behind in my world affairs reading thanks to home repairs here at Casa La Roach, plus a little vacation time. So, I have handled the Israel-Hezbollah affair like an ostrich - ignore it and it will go away. Ya Right!

So, when I perused DT Strain's Philosophy Blog last week, I was surprised, and in many respects delighted, to see his analysis of the "tangled ball of string" the Mid-East had become.

With his permission, I'm posting it here at Father Time's Place, and hope you find his analysis as interesting as I did.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

The Puzzle of Our Time

"I don’t often touch on politics on this blog; at least not current hot-button political issues. The reasons are several: (1) I want this site to be about philosophy and getting overly specific about politics has a very dominating and distracting effect, (2) if dealing with politics, I prefer to stay in the abstract philosophical realm, because that’s where all the root answers tend to be anyway, and (3) my hope is to focus more on things that unite rather than divide.

However, this latest struggle between Israel and Hezbollah has got me vexed. In fact, much of the developments in the war on terror over the past few years have vexed me. Of course, I have my own opinions about various things and they can be quite strong, but I want to go beyond that – I want to go deeper. It’s too easy to merely vent my perspective and be yet one more voice yelling about what ‘should be’.

This whole business of terrorism, the third world, religious extremism, international business interests, modern warfare, and their intersection are really the great puzzle of our time. But instead of anyone trying to figure anything out, it seems that all we have are various religious fundamentalists (on all sides), various nationalists (on all sides), various haters of particular political officials, and other people with agendas simply trying to further them. If there are any people with serious deep questions and thoughts about this puzzle of our time out there, they are being ignored as eggheads or muffled by all the sensationalism to be found elsewhere. Can we please have some sincere efforts to reach pragmatic and realistic solutions without being so biased, hateful, blame-seeking, or focused on complaining about the present or past?

Everybody knows what should be done, and what the other guys should be doing. They know what should have happened in past elections, negotiations, and military actions. They know what we should be doing internationally, and they know what we should do in the future. But does anyone have any ideas about what can be done? In other words, what can be done given our current situation and the current dispositions of all parties involved?

There are obviously tough challenges facing the world, and they’re not going to be solved by simply declaring cease-fires and trying to get people not to attack one another. The underlying causes of these things are too complex and the dangers too intense. If one side is unwilling to cease, then those threats will demand that some fighting will have to happen. But the problems also aren’t going to be solved by obliterating everything without foreseeable end.

What’s even more complex is that it takes more than even a complete analysis of all the subtle underlying causes for things. Because, even if we had that, it would be another matter entirely getting all of the various power-holders, organizations, and institutions to actually pay attention, care, and change.

It's more than a little disturbing that all of our religious faiths and even our philosophic insights, including my own, seem incapable of easily piercing this dilemma, even if they may be very effective on an individual scale. This puzzle of our time is going to require something radical; something drastic. A new movement or perhaps a joint multi-cultural revolution of sorts happening in several opposing camps at once. Unfortunately, such things don’t usually arise unless extreme pain and suffering has pushed the pendulum far enough.

But one thing is sure, the puzzle is more complicated than a giant ball of tangled twine, and we have several people pulling on the same threads in different directions, trying to unravel it at the same time. If we can’t get some sort of broad and deep solutions going, then I suppose pain and suffering for a lot more people, on a lot greater scale, are what’s in store. If that’s the case, then I’ll simply have to remember my Stoic readings and remind myself that I can’t control the choices or actions of others – only myself."

Father Time Delivers The Mail

Since 1895, the US Postal Service has delivered mail by boat to the city of Agness, Oregon on the Rogue River. The river empties into the Pacific Ocean at Gold Beach, Oregon, 34 miles from Agness. For over 100 years, boats have made the daily trip upstream from Gold Beach to Agness to provide the residents with mail service.

Over time, the boats have become more modern, so that now, three engined jet-drive aluminum hulled beauties are used for the trip. An added sidelight is that passengers are also welcomed - so much so that passenger traffic is the main source of revenue for the mail boats. Several boats now make the trip each day, but one of them always drops off mail at Agness. It happened the boat I was on last Saturday, was the actual delivery boat so I can make the exaggerated claim that "I delivered the mail." Actually, I was just one of the passengers but who's going to spill the beans and accuse me of ever exaggerating something?

Incidentally, there are fish in the Rogue River. Lot's of them. Delicious ones. And they aren't tiny either. During the trip we saw bald eagles, a mother black bear with two cubs eating wild blackberries, deer, and lots of fisherman.
I wish the person in the picture was me, but once again my highly ethical nature emerges and I confess that it is not Father Time holding that big salmon. Besides, he's way to old to be me, but not so old that if he offered to share his salmon, I would have helped him out!

Sorry to sound like a travelogue, but that's just the way it is here in Father Nature's world.

Father Time Honors NASCAR Sister

This is way overdue!

Let's open the family album with this gem:

Here's a shot of NASCAR Sister in high school. She always was on the leading edge of trendy hair styles. This was taken on the day she was inducted into the National Honor Society.

NASCAR Sister always had an eye for sharp cars. She just never owned one. Here's a picture of her leaving home to attend college. Very little was left in her room when she was done packing!


While in college, she met Cool Dude. He stole her heart immediately, and they were inseparable right up until the time he was arrested for indecent exposure. When he was released, they immediately moved to Humptulips, Washington where he opened a Krispy Kreme franchise.


It wasn't long before they had a love child - Turkin. He turned out to be a child prodigy and was designing tricycles at the age of 7. He is now working for Yugo as an automotive designer!


NASCAR Sister and Cool Dude now live in Bald Knob, Arkansas, in this lovely estate. She's retired and paints ashtrays and Cool Dude is Superintendent of Schools.

Happy Birthday NASCAR Sister!

Future Birthdays

Tomorrow, Father Time's only sibling, NASCAR Sister celebrates her birthday. In honor of this auspicious event, we ask this highly sensitive question - "Should we reveal her age?"

In any case, we will have a special post just for her, including car pictures, rednecks doing their thing, and high cholesterol recipes.

Rah rah NASCAR Sister, GO GO GO! Sis boom bah, etc.

2007 Renault Laguna

A while back we posted pictures of a Peugeot concept car here.
It resembled nothing we had ever seen before. I.E. - how many cars do you enter through the center of the rear wheel? Additionally, those of us who lived through the 50's remember only one thing about imported French automobiles like Renault, Citroen, and Peugeot - they were not visually attractive. (PC version of "butt ugly.")

So, when I saw these pictures of the 2007 Renault on Paul Tan's automotive site I was astonished to say the least. However, my astonishment was short-lived when I remembered that Renault and Nissan are now managed by the same person, Carlos Ghosn, who has been rumored to be talking about a similar "arrangement" with General Motors. Sure enough, the new Renault will be built on the Nissan Altima chassis. End of story.

Are we witnessing a global period when automobile manufacturers are going through a consolidation like the U.S. experienced in the 50's and 60's? Absolutely!

Coat of Arms Candidate

It's no secret that I've been looking for my historic family coat of arms. Having failed to find an appropriate example, I now offer to my loyal readers an opportunity to voice their opinions. This won't take long since one reader is home with the flu and the other proof reads my stuff.

This is Coat of Arms Candidate #1. In typical Father Time fashion, there is no reward whatsoever for submitting your opinion - with the possible exception of personal "psychic compensation" which I intend to declare on my 2006 tax returns as a "charitable donation."

Now, back to The Gong Show reruns!

Too Much Fertilizer?

This horrific sight greeted my as I returned home after a couple of weeks in the forest. It seems that Melbo, my new gardener, had quit after only one day on the job. Following family tradition, I paid him nothing; however, I did permit him to use a picture of my estate on his business brochure. Apparently, it worked!

Oh bother, the scythe and sickle are dull so I guess I'll have to use the push mower. And now you the rest of the story - Father Time is green! What do you mean "cheap."

How To Sing The Blues

Here it is! More excellent plagiarism by Father Time.
If this was first-rate plagiarism, no credits would be sited. However, first-rate is not my standard of excellence.

Movin' On
This was written by Lame Mango Washington (attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky, revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)

1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like " I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, " adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:

a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass

Bad places:

a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:

a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied

No, if:

a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived.
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund.

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues.

Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee

The following are NOT Blues beverages:

a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water

15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling

17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc.

(Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog 20-20, or get out a shotgun. I don't care.

Family Coat of Arms

I thought it would be great to research my family name and see if we had a "coat of arms" in the past. Much to my dismay, we did not.

Therefore, being the oldest living member of my family, I hereby bestow upon myself the authority to proclaim this graphic symbol as the official Father Time Coat of Arms - Beta Test 1, effective August 1, 2006. Further, using said authority once again, Beta Test 2 could emerge at a later date should something more representative of our contributions to history be found.

Time to celebrate with a pint of Guinness.

Father Time's Disappearing Act Continues

So where will I be? My plan was to seek out either one of these two places; (but place your bets on the fact that trees will not be within 500 miles of my tent.) I have a craving for trout.

Be back soon. Take care.

Plagiarism At Its Finest

Dragonfly Report: 24th July 2006
Good morning. Is there low cost gasoline In my future?

It's 52° Fahrenheit with 100% humidity in Atlantis. In Sri Lanka, the forecast calls for a high of 91° Fahrenheit with isolated rebel attacks in the Northeastern Province.

The average price of Geritol is $2.99 for a 4 oz. bottle. The exchange rate is $1.00 for Dial-A-Bus, or £0.54.

Today's Weird Car Picture is: (Cool)/(Lame)/(Seductive)/(Debilitating)

Today's horoscope is Leo. Leo's are prima facie evidence of the logic for sterilization. The Dragonfly is currently reading "Yet Another Autobiography Of My Hair" by Donald Trump.

See that "X" on the map? It will lead you lower priced gasoline, or buried treasure. Pray it's gasoline.

On A More Serious Note

(Yes I can be serious.)

Here's one of my favorite poems. It was originally found in an ancient Pali text written by one of Buddha's followers about 300 years after Buddha's death. The sensitive translation into English is attributed to a Theravada Buddhist scholar who now lives in California:

Love, without desire to possess,
knowing well that in the ultimate sense
there is no possession and no possessor:
this is the highest love.

Love, without speaking and thinking of "I"”,
knowing well that this so-called "I"” is a mere delusion.

Love, without selecting and excluding,
knowing well that to do so means to create love'’s own contrasts:
dislike, aversion and hatred.

Love, embracing all beings: small and great, far and near,
be it on earth, in the water, or in the air.

Anyone For Chinese Take-out?

I'm not sure why pictures like this fascinate me, but thanks to this web site, I have all the weird pix I will ever need, (plus a craving for Chinese food.)

Father Time's Garage Sale

Crop duster Like new. Only used to spray Weed & Feed on my back yard. Must sell due to high price of aviation gasoline, neighbor's lawsuit, and need for new glasses.

Steam engine Used to power home generator. Only used during air raids. Must sell due to state air quality restrictions and shortage of wood to stoke boiler. Will make a great addition to anyone's front yard as a landscaping feature. I'd put it my front yard but there isn't room with my '78 Ford Econoline Van that's being restored.

Motorcycle with monkey Makes a great riding partner if your spouse is "anti-motorcycle" and refuses to ride with you. Monkey is also handy in bar fights, since police don't know what statutes to cite.

Slightly used couch Used infrequently but still serviceable. This Chippendale replica will give any home a real touch of class!

Special Financing Arrangements
Make me an offer on any item - no reasonable offer refused. Trade-ins gladly accepted, appraiser on duty 24/7 - 0% financing available, 24 months same as cash.

Deals like this don't come along often. Act now before it's too late. Operators are standing by. (Been there quite a while in fact, just smoking cigarettes and eating my Cheetos!)

There you have it. I won't be blogging for a few days because of the anticipated heavy traffic this sale will generate, but I will be checking e-mail if you see if there's something you want. Now, I'm off to make some signs!

(Don't you wish I'd stayed in the woods?)